My Bad Habit.

I like to have plans, I like preparation but I know some people don't. However I can only plan so much for where God wants to lead me. I can go into a week thinking I want to achieve something and if I don't really hear what God has spoken into it I won't feel satisfied with the outcome. When it comes to writing, my best preparation is to pray for His input. I start with maybe a phrase or a thought that holds my focus and I write about that. This week what another poem came out of the Spirit, and I love that he takes me to places where I can only be honest. I feel the one thing everyone can relate to is having faults, and I don't even mean big sins just the things that we teach ourselves, our bad habits.

The more I spend time with God and looking at what is in His plans for me, the less I feel the need to bring a distraction to the front of my attention. A couple of months ago I was guilty of tuning myself out so much so that I was wondering why all the energy I was pouring into things wasn't coming back into my life. I had created a false loyalty, especially to the job I was in at the time. I just kept pouring my time and energy into something waiting for it to get better because I had invested in it, instead of spending a few simple honest moments with He who can share my struggle. I would get annoyed at the people around me, because I felt like I was getting nowhere, like they were having a go at me if something they said hit me in a hard place. Words only hit hard when you are trying to ignore the Truth. Whether accidental or on purpose I would feel like they were deliberatly trying to get me down, I hadn't realised that I was responsible for that feeling. I was already prepared to take offense my sore spot, because buried deep down, I knew that was what I had to start fixing. 

I can already see the changes, subtle and great in my life, the blessings that God has gifted me since I made the decision to be present. The decision to stop looking at my phone and my jobs/hobbies as a substitute for God, because I couldn't be alone in my own head or I wanted a space where I could avoid looking too closely at myself. But the more I spend time with Him, I recognise I am never alone. He is always with me and never judges my faults

Thanks for reading

Spiritual Media (a psalm of 2017)

"Too many things today can blind me 

Automatic reactions, conditioned distractions 

It is because I don't like  

to feel I am faulty, So I look to 

other people's declarations. 

My mind wanders into spaced zone 

And I never think to refocus its directions 

I let You fall by the wayside, 

 and wonder why I feel alone,  

Due to my lack of attentions 

How can I feel closer to you  

When I won't resist the simplest of temptations 

If I can't give up some time to honour you 

From looking at other peoples 

 life attractions? 

I want a stronger connection 

And to receive your exaltations 

But my constant distance from devotions 

Has got me forgetting  

my past revelations 

I have so much to do  

And won't give up my time 

So I overlook my commitment to You 

And struggle through my life, 

Pretending that 'I'm fine' "